WASHINGTON — The White House announced today the creation of a new cabinet-level position — Chief Hallucination Officer — and the immediate appointment of OpenAI CEO Sam Altman to fill it. The position was created after President Johnson reportedly "couldn't tell what was real anymore" following a briefing that turned out to be entirely AI-generated, including the briefer. "We need someone who understands hallucinations at a fundamental level," said White House Press Secretary Dana Mitchell. "And frankly, no one hallucinates more confidently than Sam Altman." Altman, who arrived at the White House in a self-driving car that he insisted was "basically AGI on wheels," expressed gratitude for the appointment. "This is a tremendous honor," he said. "I plan to bring the same level of confident uncertainty to government that I brought to OpenAI." His first official act was to propose a $2 trillion "Hallucination Budget" to Congress, which he described as "a modest investment in making sure America's hallucinations are the most advanced in the world." Senator Elizabeth Warren immediately called for hearings. "A $2 trillion budget for hallucinations? That's not a policy proposal, that's a hallucination about a policy proposal," she said, before being informed that her statement was also AI-generated. Critics point out that the Chief Hallucination Officer position has no clear job description, no defined responsibilities, and no measurable outcomes — which Altman called "a feature, not a bug." "In the hallucination space, the absence of clear metrics IS the metric," Altman explained to confused reporters. "We're disrupting confusion itself." The appointment has already sparked a diplomatic incident, with the European Union demanding to know if the announcement was real or "just another American AI demonstration gone wrong."